Funny Quotes
If you love to laugh, YourDictionary’s assortment of funny quotes can make your day a bit brighter. Use them to cheer up someone who is having a difficult time or simply browse through the selection when you feel like having a giggle.
 
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More Funny Quotes
George Washington is the only president who didn't blame the previous administration for his troubles.
unknown
In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.
terry pratchett— English author (1948 - 2015)
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
steven wright
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice; in practice there is.
yogi berra— Quoted in Antifragile: Things that Gain From Disorder, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb (2012), p. 213.
Even on the most solemn occasions I got away without wearing socks and hid that lack of civilisation in high boots.
Albert Einstein— Albert Einstein in a letter to his cousin and second wife Elsa, during a visit to the University of Oxford, in collection donated to the Hebrew University of Jerusalem in Israel by Einstein's stepdaughter Margot, as quoted in "Einstein in no-sock shock", New Scientist (15 July 2006).
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
George carlin
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
— Attributed to Abraham Lincoln
Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
mark twain
There are three hundred and sixty-four days when you might get un-birthday presents, and only one for birthday presents, you know.
Lewis Carroll
I had orders to report to Brigadier General Lindsey, and he said to me, "Well, York, I hear you have captured the whole damned German army." And I told him I only had 132.
alvin c. york— Diary of Alvin York, account of 8 October 1918
You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!
Lauren Myracle— From her book, ttfn (2007).
Humor is subjective, but the best funny quotes are ones that are lighthearted without being inadvertently offensive. Anything that could be interpreted as a personal attack or a thinly veiled insult should be avoided. To be successfully funny, it's vital that you understand your audience.
When choosing the perfect funny quote to send to a friend or family member, look for a saying that speaks to a common interest or shared experience. For example, a humorous quote about eating dessert first after a bad day would be a good choice if you both have a sweet tooth. On a similar note, a quote about the lighter side of parenting would be appropriate if you both have rambunctious toddlers at home.
The best funny quotations are often those that play on common advice with an unexpected twist. For example, comedian Ron White once expanded on the idea of make lemons when life gives you lemonade by suggesting that you find someone who's been given vodka and have a party together.
When you find a quote that makes you laugh, consider elaborating on the quote’s theme with your own humorous anecdote or story. Inspiration can be found in many different places, so it's perfectly fine to use another comic's words as a starting point for your own joke. Get creative and be rewarded with big laughs!
