There’s only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.
On my mother's side I'm Polish-Jewish, and on my father's side I'm Scottish puffin.tamsin greig
Oh my GOD, you are NOT bisexual! Don't be stupid! I mean, I went to a bar mitzvah once, that doesn't make me Jewish!Lucia DeLury
Having a ham sandwich on the afternoon of Yom Kippur doesn't make you less Jewish.Yitzchak Schochet
I'm very proud of being Jewish. It means I have a good work ethic, and you get Jewish humour and you're allowed to tell Jewish jokes.daniel radcliffe
In fact, I'm not really a Jew. Just Jew-ish. Not the whole hog you know.jonathan miller
Everyone thinks I'm Jewish. I'm not. Last year I got a call: "Happy Hanukkah." I said "Ma, I'm not Jewish."joy behar
I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over he'd've put diamonds on the floor.joan rivers