In all probability I'll lose my virility And you your fertility And desirability, And this liability Of total sterility Will lead to hostility And a sense of futility, So let's act with agility While we still have facility, For we'll soon reach senility And lose the ability.
Tom LehrerI recall this sergeant's informing me and my "room-mates" of this rather deplorable fact the army didn't have any official, excuse me, didn't have no official song and suggested that we work on this in our copious free time.
Tom LehrerDon't solicit for your sister, that's not nice, Unless you get a good percentage of her price.
Tom LehrerYou know, of all the songs I have ever sung, that is the one I've had the most requests not to.
Tom LehrerOh, soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife. Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life. Oooh.
Tom LehrerSo be sweet and kind to mother/ Now and then, have a chat!/ Buy her candy or some flowers or a brand-new hat/ But maybe you best let it go at that!/ Or you may find yourself with a quite complex/ ...Com-plex!/ ...and.../ You may end up like Oedipus/ I'd rather marry a duck-billed platypus!/ Than end up like poor Oedipus Rex!
Tom LehrerThe usual jokes about the Army aside, one of the many fine things one has to admit is the way that the Army has carried the American democratic ideal to its logical conclusion, in the sense that not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability.
Tom LehrerAnd we will all go together when we go. What a comforting fact that is to know. Universal bereavement, An inspiring achievement, Yes, we will all go together when we go.
Tom LehrerOh we will all fry together when we fry. We'll be french fried potatoes by and by. There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie, Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.
Tom LehrerAnd we will all bake together when we bake. There'll be nobody present at the wake. With complete participation In that grand incineration, Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.
Tom LehrerI do have a cause, though. It is obscenity. I'm for it.
Tom LehrerBut don't panic. Base eight is just like base ten really if you're missing two fingers.
Tom LehrerDuring National Brotherhood Week various special events are arranged to drive home the message of brotherhood this year, for example, on the first day of the week, Malcolm X was killed, which gives you an idea of how effective the whole thing is. I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another, and I know there are people in the world who do not love their fellow human beings and I hate people like that!
Tom LehrerOh, the white folks hate the black folks, And the black folks hate the white folks; To hate all but the right folks Is an old established rule.
Tom LehrerOh, the poor folks hate the rich folks, And the rich folks hate the poor folks. All of my folks hate all of your folks, It's American as apple pie.
Tom LehrerStep up and shake the hand Of someone you can't stand, You can tolerate him if you try!
Tom LehrerOh, the Protestants hate the Catholics And the Catholics hate the Protestants, And the Hindus hate the Moslems, And everybody hates the Jews.
Tom Lehrer