I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?
Bill Maher, Bill Maher: I'm Swiss (2005), timecode 1:11:10.
Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.Bill Maher
I think we need to change that old saying, "I don't need a building to fall on me." Because two did and we still don't get it. I think we all stick our head in the sand as a deep human impulse.Bill Maher
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake — you know, to send the right message to kids.Bill Maher
If I thought the Lord was speaking to me I'd check myself into Bellevue, and I think you should too.Bill Maher
... even scarier is why people have stopped thinking global warming is real. One major reason, pollsters say, is, "we had a very cold, snowy winter". Which is like saying the sun might not be real because last night it got dark.Bill Maher
I don't think he has ever really read Thomas Paine, because it's nothing to do with what he believes in or what he professes to believe in.Bill Maher
We shouldn't decide everything by polling the masses. This is the fallacy argumentum ad numerum , the idea that something is true because great numbers believe it, as in "Eat shit. 20 trillion flies can't be wrong."Bill Maher
It's very sad how in the information age you cannot get information into people's heads. As long as you write something on the internet and do not add LOL — it is true. "I'm not sure he's a Christian" — I'm not sure he's a mammal, Jay. He could be a werewolf.Bill Maher