He was the kind of man who kept a diagram showing where you sat when you dined with him and what you ate, lest he serve you the same dish when you came again.
Alexander Woollcott, Introduction to The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll (1939, pg. 5) talking about Lewis Carroll.
The scenery was beautiful, but the actors got in front of it.Alexander Woollcott
The two oldest professions in the world — ruined by amateurs.Alexander Woollcott
Once in pre-war days, when curiously-bonneted women drivers were familiar sights at the taxi-wheels, I cried out to one in my dismay: "Is there no speed limit in this mad city?""Oh, yes, monsieur," she answered sweetly over her shoulder, "but no one has ever succeeded in reaching it."Alexander Woollcott
All the things I really like to do are either illegal, immoral, or fattening.Alexander Woollcott
At 83 Shaw's mind was perhaps not quite as good as it used to be, but it was still better than anyone else's.Alexander Woollcott
I have no need of your God-damned sympathy. I only wish to be entertained by some of your grosser reminiscences.Alexander Woollcott
[You look like] a dishonest Abe Lincoln.Alexander Woollcott
I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.Alexander Woollcott