Ass Quotes
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If I'm an ass, I should say so. If I don't, somebody else will. If I say it first, that disarms them.
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More Ass Quotes
The man, who laugh'd but once to see an ass Mumbling to make the cross-grain'd thistles pass, Might laugh again to see a jury chaw The prickles of unpalatable law.
— Drydeti, The Medal.
If thou wert the lion, the fox would beguile thee; if thou wert the lamb, the fox would eat thee; if thou wert the fox, the lion would suspect thee, when, peradventure, thou wert accused by the ass...
william shakespeare— William Shakespeare, Timon of Athens, scene iii.
And when Ahithophel saw that his counsel was not followed, he saddled his ass, and arose, and gat him home to his house, to his city, and put his household in order, and hanged himself.
Bible (Old Testament)— Samuel17:23.
I am ashamed the law is such an ass. See Dickens 267:96.
George Chapman— Revenge for Honour (published posthumously,1654), act 3, sc.2. Although this is credited to Chapman, his authorship is doubtful.
Not gonna bind ya or break ya, old spirit. Just gonna kick your ass up between your ears.
jim butcher— Character: Listens-To-Wind "Injun Joe"
My thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back.
Miguel de Cervantes— Ch. 57. (Part II (1615))
It is idle to play the lyre for an ass.
jerome— Letter 27 (Sourced)
You know, before when (the police went) to work, they used to be like, 'I'm gonna kick somebody's ass today and so I hope I can catch somebody in a bad situation or breaking the law, because I'm gonna beat someone's ass in a big way, I think that attitude has changed.
rodney king— King's point of view on how things have changed since the incident Five years later, wounds from L.A. riots still sting (April 29, 1997).
When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass.
bob knight— From a public address given by Knight at Indiana University. As reported by BBC Sports, Knight moves to Texas, by Kevin Asseo, 22 March, 2001. The quotation can be heard on "Bob Knight Sportscenter Top 10 Soundbites". The quotation may be attributed to a longer poem from a 1970's velvet blacklight poster, titled "My Critics RIP - Ross", that depicted a drawing of a man laying face down with lipstick covering his bare buttocks.
Sit a man on his ass with nothing to do but eat and the first thing that goes is his mind. It never fails.
joanna russ— Chapter 2 (p. 42)
If you keep your opposition on their ass, they don't score goals.
fred shero— Liebman, Glenn, Hockey Shorts: 1,001 of the games funniest one liners
I was paid to be a warhead, and anyone who came near me should get knocked into Hell! "I don't care who gets in my way--my mother, my grandmother, my daughter: I'll knock each and every one of them on their ass." "Call me a queer. I'd rather hit than make love, money, or friends."
— Final Confessions of NFL Assassin Jack Tatum by Jack Tatum with Bill Kushner
— "It could have happened to anybody," said Tatum about the Darryl Stingly hit. "People are always saying, 'He didn't apologize.' I don't think I did anything wrong that I need to apologize for. It was a clean hit."
Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.
hunter s. thompson— A note to his grandson, Will (2005), reprinted in "Outlaw Journalist : The Life and Times of Hunter S. Thompson" (2008), by William McKeen
I get satisfaction of three kinds. One is creating something, one is being paid for it and one is the feeling that I haven’t just been sitting on my ass all afternoon.
buckley, william f., jr.— As quoted in The Book of Positive Quotations (2007) by John Cook
It was only when you walked away I saw you had the perfect ass. Forgive me for not falling in love with your face or your conversation.
leonard cohen— The Energy of Slaves (1972)
"I just got shot in the ass with an infected load of semen! Who's the smart-ass?"
sam kinison— Leader of the Banned.
"Fred, what happened to your ass?" "Oh, the fat guy at the office sneezed on me."
jay leno— Speaking of the discovery that obesity is contagiousMonologue, 26 July 2007
Decide what you want, create a map, and get your ass out there!
steve maraboli— p. 131 (Life, the Truth, and Being Free (2010))
That tall drink of water with the silver spoon up his ass.
— Red, in The Shawshank Redemption
Get away from me fat man, or I'll spork your ass.
— TV show The Critic
The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib.
— Isaiah, I, 3.
She wads up the t-shirt, uses it to wipe a trickle of santorum from her ass, and throws it under the cot.
— Dunn, Jack R. (2005). Hard. p. 134.
Then, one of them broke ranks and rammed his blood-lubed fist straight up my ass and twisted hard, pulled it out and licked the santorum clean.
— Polney, Richard J. (2008). "A Horrible Night of Research and Erudite Bloodletting". in Pierce, Christopher. Men on the Edge: Dangerous Erotica. STARbooks Press. p. 38. ISBN 978-1934187289.
It is idle to play the lyre for an ass.
— Letter 27
Lord of the world, must I and my ass eat at one crib?
— Upon being told that he would have to eat the herbs of the ground, as reported in The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles (1886) by Charles Taylor, p. 14
The only help you're getting from me is... an ass... kicking... fag...
— Who: Brett Taggerty
— Source: Dominic Deegan: Oracle for Hire
— Notes: Just before this, Celesto Morgan had asked the character for help with "an experiment". Morgan then floods the character's body with chaos, causing him to melt on the spot.
