Ass Quotes
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If I'm an ass, I should say so. If I don't, somebody else will. If I say it first, that disarms them.
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More Ass Quotes
The man, who laugh'd but once to see an ass Mumbling to make the cross-grain'd thistles pass, Might laugh again to see a jury chaw The prickles of unpalatable law.
— Drydeti, The Medal.
If thou wert the lion, the fox would beguile thee; if thou wert the lamb, the fox would eat thee; if thou wert the fox, the lion would suspect thee, when, peradventure, thou wert accused by the ass...
william shakespeare— William Shakespeare, Timon of Athens, scene iii.
I am ashamed the law is such an ass. See Dickens 267:96.
George Chapman— Revenge for Honour (published posthumously,1654), act 3, sc.2. Although this is credited to Chapman, his authorship is doubtful.
He that is a traveller must have the back of an ass to bear all, atonguelikethetail ofa dog toflatterall, themouthof a hog to eat all what is set before him, the ear of a merchant to hear all and say nothing; and if this be not the highest step of thraldom, there is no liberty or freedom.
thomas nashe— 1594 The Unfortunate Traveller, or the Life of Jack Wilton.
My thoughts ran a wool-gathering; and I did like the countryman who looked for his ass while he was mounted on his back.
Miguel de Cervantes— Ch. 57. (Part II (1615))
The ass will carry his load, but not a double load; ride not a free horse to death.
Miguel de Cervantes— Ch. 71. (Part II (1615))
I am ashamed the law is such an ass.
George Chapman— Revenge for Honour (published posthumously, 1654), Act iii, scene 2. Although this was credited to Chapman, scholars have rejected the attribution; the play may have been written by Henry Glapthorne.
You know, before when (the police went) to work, they used to be like, 'I'm gonna kick somebody's ass today and so I hope I can catch somebody in a bad situation or breaking the law, because I'm gonna beat someone's ass in a big way, I think that attitude has changed.
rodney king— King's point of view on how things have changed since the incident Five years later, wounds from L.A. riots still sting (April 29, 1997).
When my time on earth is gone and my activities here are past, I want they bury me upside down, and my critics can kiss my ass.
bob knight— From a public address given by Knight at Indiana University. As reported by BBC Sports, Knight moves to Texas, by Kevin Asseo, 22 March, 2001. The quotation can be heard on "Bob Knight Sportscenter Top 10 Soundbites". The quotation may be attributed to a longer poem from a 1970's velvet blacklight poster, titled "My Critics RIP - Ross", that depicted a drawing of a man laying face down with lipstick covering his bare buttocks.
Silly ass. The land would be much more valuable today.
Princess Margaret— On being told that George III had given the Crown lands to Parliament in 1761 in return for a fixed allowance. As quoted in Andrew Duncan, The Reality of Monarchy, p. 181
I was paid to be a warhead, and anyone who came near me should get knocked into Hell! "I don't care who gets in my way--my mother, my grandmother, my daughter: I'll knock each and every one of them on their ass." "Call me a queer. I'd rather hit than make love, money, or friends."
— Final Confessions of NFL Assassin Jack Tatum by Jack Tatum with Bill Kushner
— "It could have happened to anybody," said Tatum about the Darryl Stingly hit. "People are always saying, 'He didn't apologize.' I don't think I did anything wrong that I need to apologize for. It was a clean hit."
Walk tall, kick ass, learn to speak Arabic, love music and never forget you come from a long line of truth seekers, lovers and warriors.
hunter s. thompson— A note to his grandson, Will (2005), reprinted in "Outlaw Journalist : The Life and Times of Hunter S. Thompson" (2008), by William McKeen
There is at this moment a beetle the size of god's ass on the table about six inches from the t-writer. It is worse than anything Kafka ever dreamed, so big I can see its eyes and the hair on its legs — jesus, suddenly it leaped off and now circles me with a menacing whir.
hunter s. thompson— Letter to Paul Semonin (26 May 1962), p. 337
It was only when you walked away I saw you had the perfect ass. Forgive me for not falling in love with your face or your conversation.
leonard cohen— The Energy of Slaves (1972)
Socrates, on being insulted in the marketplace, asked by a passerby, “Don’t you worry about being called names?” retorted, “Why? Do you think I should resent it if an ass had kicked me?”
Alain de Botton— p. 112 (Status Anxiety (2004))
"Fred, what happened to your ass?" "Oh, the fat guy at the office sneezed on me."
jay leno— Speaking of the discovery that obesity is contagiousMonologue, 26 July 2007
Decide what you want, create a map, and get your ass out there!
steve maraboli— p. 131 (Life, the Truth, and Being Free (2010))
I suggest that US foreign policy can still be defined as "kiss my ass or I'll kick your head in." But of course it doesn't put it like that. It talks of "low intensity conflict..." What all this adds up to is a disease at the very centre of language, so that language becomes a permanent masquerade, a tapestry of lies.
Harold Pinter— "Oh, Superman", broadcast for Opinion, Channel 4, 31 May 1990; Various Voices: Prose, Poetry, Politics 1948-2005, rev. ed. (1998; London: Faber and Faber, 2005) 198-99.
The ox knoweth his owner, and the ass his master's crib.
— Isaiah, I, 3.
We're in the dark ages if J-Lo can have a music career because of her ass. And let's face it, that's it.
Jack Black— American actor, comedian, writer, producer, and singer
"My Name is Reggie . I'm about kicking ass and taking names -- and we're about making games ."
— Reggie Fils-Aime, E3 2004
Then, one of them broke ranks and rammed his blood-lubed fist straight up my ass and twisted hard, pulled it out and licked the santorum clean.
— Polney, Richard J. (2008). "A Horrible Night of Research and Erudite Bloodletting". in Pierce, Christopher. Men on the Edge: Dangerous Erotica. STARbooks Press. p. 38. ISBN 978-1934187289.
It is hard to explain to people now how hard it was being a punk back then [the 1970s]. If you had short hair, didn't wear bell bottoms and walked down the street, chances are some asshole in an El Camino was going to kick your ass.
— Wolf, Mary Montgomery (2007). "We accept you, one of us?": Punk rock, community, and individualism in an uncertain era, 1974--1985. ProQuest. p. 226. ISBN 9780549325819.
He shall be buried with the burial of an ass.
— Jeremiah, XXII, 19. (Quotes)
Lord of the world, must I and my ass eat at one crib?
— Upon being told that he would have to eat the herbs of the ground, as reported in The Teaching of the Twelve Apostles (1886) by Charles Taylor, p. 14
We've all heard that little woman who says, "Oh, it's terrible what these young people do to themselves, in my lsi other drugs, is a terrible thing" Then you look, the woman who speaks in this way: you have no eyes, no teeth, no brains, no soul, no ass, no mouth, no warmth, no spirit, nothing, just a stick ... "and avran made ??you wonder how to reduce it in that state teas and pastries and the church.
— Charles Bukowski, "Tales of Ordinary Madness" (1972).
O, that he were here to write me down an ass! but, masters, remember, that I am an ass ; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.
— Dogberry, scene ii
" God is an iron," I said. "Did you know that?" I turned to look at her and she was staring. She laughed experimentally, stopped when I failed to join in. "And I'm a pair of pants with a hole scorched through the ass?" "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."
— Spider Robinson, in "God Is An Iron" (1977)
