They had elected a fellow by the name of Xenu to the supreme ruler and they were about to un-elect him. And he took the last moments he had in office to really goof the floof.
Scientologists believe that most human problems can be traced to lingering spirits of an extraterrestrial people massacred by their ruler, Xenu, over 75 million years ago. These spirits attach themselves by “clusters” to individuals in the contemporary world, causing spiritual harm and negatively influencing the lives of their hosts.Judge Leonie Brinkema (October 4, 1996) United States District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia, Alexandria Division. Religious Technology Center v. Lerma, "Memorandum Opinion on Religious Technology Center's And Arnaldo Lerma's Motions For Summary Judgment". CIV.A. No. 95-1107-A. — quoted in Prendergast, Alan (March 6, 1997). "Nightmare on the Net: A web of intrigue surrounds the high-stakes legal brawl between FACTnet and the Church of Scientology". Denver Westword News (Village Voice Media). Retrieved on 2009-03-08.
Hubbard kept adding steps, each more costly, for his followers to climb. In the 1960s the guru decreed that humans are made of clusters of spirits (or "thetans") who were banished to earth some 75 million years ago by a cruel galactic ruler named Xenu. Naturally, those thetans had to be audited.Richard Behar (May 6, 1991). "The Thriving Cult of Greed and Power". TIME (Time Inc.).
That's when you first come into contact with the Xenu story.Former Scientologist and actor Jason Beghe, when asked if Scientologists learn about Xenu during Operating Thetan Level Three — interview in Seymour, Bryan (February 04, 2009). "World exclusive: scientology alien secret exposed: Scientology has denied for decades that it preaches stories about aliens infecting humankind". Today Tonight (Seven Network). Retrieved on 2009-03-10.
75 million years ago, Xenu was an evil galactic dictator who had some problem with billions of his people, so he loaded them into spaceships that looked exactly like DC-8s. Even worse, he charged them twenty-five dollars if they had extra luggage. Then, Xenu brought them here to Earth where he stacked their bodies around volcanoes, which he then blew up with Hydrogen bombs.Stephen Colbert (March 4, 2009) The Colbert Report, see also "Stephen Becomes Scientology's Galactic Overlord".
That's the guy from like 75 trillion years ago who drugged mankind and nuked 'em in volcanoes. What was his name - Xenu.Kimber Henry, character on Nip/Tuck (December 5, 2006) "Willy Ward", Season 4, Episode 14.
Scientologists also believe that 75 million years ago, an evil galactic warlord ... an evil warlord by the name of Xenu dumped 13 trillion aliens from different planets into the Earth's volcanoes and then vaporized them with H-Bombs. And the radioactive souls of these these poor, vaporized alien creatures continue to enter into our bodies implanting engrams and false ideas about Christ and God and psychiatry, and that's why we have to purge ourselves of all of these engrams.Alan Shore, character on Boston Legal (October 17, 2006) "Whose God Is It Anyway?", Season 3, Episode 5.
Could you believe that 75 million years ago, Xenu froze hundreds of billions of people and dropped them into volcanoes on Earth, before blowing them up with hydrogen bombs?Julian Morrow, "Free Gullibility Test" segment on The Chaser's War On Everything (April 28, 2006) Season 1, Episode 9, Australian Broadcasting Corporation.
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