There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
Politics, There, crisis, next, week, schedule, full
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
procrastination, art, keeping, yesterday
Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.
All generalizations are false. Including this one.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
He hits from both sides of the plate. He's amphibious.
Hey Patrick, I thought of something funnier than 24... 25!
humor, Spongebob Squarepants, Spongebob, twentyfive, 24, funnier, something, thought, Patrick
It's déjà vu all over again.
dj, vu, over, again
We made too many wrong mistakes.
Sports, baseball, mistakes, We, wrong, many, made
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that "individuality" is the key to success.
speeches, Graduation, ceremony, event, commencement, speaker, tells, thousands, students
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
love, falling, people, responsible, not, gravitation
The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
Age is something that doesn't matter unless you are a cheese.
growing old, Age
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
Age, growing old
Conversation would be vastly improved by the constant use of four simple words: I do not know.
A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
There is still no cure for the common birthday.
When you say, "I spent my summers at the Jersey Shore," people always say, "Oh, really?" They think of the TV show. So I just say, "A cute little harbor town in New Jersey."
When at last we are sure, you've been properly pilled, then a few paper forms must be properly filled so that you and your heirs may be properly billed.
Why buy good luggage, you only use it when you travel.
In baseball, you don't know nothing.
Sports, baseball, nothing, know, don't, you
All pitchers are liars or crybabies.
baseball, Sports, crybabies, liars, pitchers, all
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else.
Americans, Politics, you, can, always, count, do, right, thing
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.