I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
if a girl likes me a lotand starts getting real nervousand suddenly begins asking me funny questionsand looks sad if I give the wrong answersand she says things like,"Do you think it's going to rain?"and I say, "It beats me,"and she says, "Oh,"and looks a little sadat the clear blue California sky,I think: Thank God, it's you, baby, this time Instead of me.Richard Brautigan
Anything above 40 is a little too old for me. I just look for a girl who is funny and has nice eyes and a smile.justin bieber
When I left, Merle was wearing a bungalow apron and rolling pie-crust. She came to the door wiping her hands on the apron and kissed me on the mouth and began to cry and ran back into the house, leaving the doorway empty until her mother came into the space with a broad homely smile on her face to watch me drive away. I had a funny feeling as I saw the house disappear, as though I had written a poem and it was very good and I had lost it and would never remember it again.Raymond Chandler
I think Terrell will catch hell at the sound of the bell.He's going around saying that he's a championship-fighter,but when he meets me he fall 20 pound lighter.He thinks that he's the real heavy weight champbut when he meets me, he'll just be a trampNow I'm not sayin' just to be funny, but I'm fightin' Ernie because he needs the money.muhammad ali
On my mother's side I'm Polish-Jewish, and on my father's side I'm Scottish puffin.tamsin greig
Always warm up the audience with a joke....If you are not a particularly funny person, make sure that you inform them that it's a joke....jacob m. appel
When people say it's a funny thing about them, you will probably be able to control your hysterics. They are only getting ready to announce the shattering fact that they don't like something. And it's not going to be something that's really quite awful, like suttee or apartheid; it's going to be something small.Peg Bracken
The simplest comment on my book came from my ballet teacher. She said, "I wish you hadn’t made every line funny. It’s so depressing."Quentin Crisp
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would admit throwing an f-bomb in there would help get a reaction. ... I'm not on a Puritanical pursuit, but when I would curse in a joke, I believe I'm not done writing it.jim gaffigan
She thought it was funny that people thought they were important.edie sedgwick
Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so irritating.bill gates
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.adlai stevenson
Tim Guest’s extraordinary account of his childhood in the communes of Bhagwan [Rajneesh], the notorious Indian guru, is a survivor’s tale, poignant, funny and wise.
What we eventually run up against are the forces of humourlessness, and let me assure you that the humourless as a bunch don't just not know what's funny , they don't know what's serious. They have no common sense, either, and shouldn't be trusted with anything.
I think the Cold War works as a great analogy or simile for different kinds of conflict . It's funny, when you look back at it, it's one of the last times that the boundaries were clear. Now, as we see on 'Homeland,' there are no clear boundaries and enemies.
A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.
I got used to dealing with groups of boys and getting on with life in unpleasant circumstances and being smart and funny and subversive at the expense of authority.eric idle
Perhaps indeed the possession of wealth is constantly distressing,But I should be quite willing to assume every curse of wealth if I could at the same time assume every blessing.The only incurable troubles of the rich are the troubles that money can't cure,Which is a kind of trouble that is even more troublesome if you are poor.Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny —Have you ever tried to buy them without money?ogden nash
“How does one conquer fear, Don B.?” “One takes a frog and sews it to one’s shoe,” he said. “The left or the right?” Don B. gave me a pitying look. “Well, you’d look mighty funny going down the street with only one frog sewed to your shoes, wouldn’t you?" he said. “One frog on each shoe.”Donald Barthelme
It is a difficult thing to like anybody else's ideas of being funny.Gertrude Stein
The fairy stitching gleams On the sides and in the seams, And it shows That Pixies were the wags Who tipped these funny tags And these toes.
It's funny how innocent people tend to die around you! Who: Agent Zero