The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.GeorgeJean Nathan: Quoted in American Mercury, Sep1929.
He's rich, successful, talented, elegant and these are the only differences between him and Richard Blackwood. Except he's got a job, somewhere to live, fans and a grounding in reality. It's P Diddy. A man who can list on his CV rapper, comedian, presenter, actor, writer – all after the word 'failed'. Superstar fantasist Richard Blackwood. Or as I think of him, Won't Smith.Mark Lamarr speaking on Never Mind the Buzzcocks 
I always wanted to be a comedian and actor, [...] I basically stumbled into the music medium, though. I'm OK, but that's about it. I like to think I'm good enough not to negatively affect the performance.bo burnham: Kahn, Joseph P. (2008-02-13). "Nonfamily humor, straight from home". The Boston Globe (Boston, Massachusetts, USA: P. Steven Ainsley). Retrieved on 2009-01-25. "Irreverent songs win Hamilton youth a cult following"
The great thing about being a comedian is that it kind of doesn't matter how you look. It's actually a disadvantage to be too good-looking. There's a Darwinian advantage to being funny. If you're a good-looking fella, you can't be bothered to make up jokes.jimmy carr: Simon Mills (November 14, 2005) "Top Table", The Daily Mail.
He's basically the only comedian on telly at the moment and the rest of us are all jealous.jimmy carr: Howard Read — reported in Leo Benedictus (August 16, 2005) "G2: Arts: Edinburgh: Trendspotting: Carr crash humour", The Guardian.
I don't perceive my role as a newsman at all. I'm a comedian from stem to stern. You can cut me open and count the rings of jokes. If people learn something about the news by watching the show, that is incidental to my goal.stephen colbert: When asked what he perceives his role to be, given that many young people claim to get their news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, on newsman."Harvard University: A Conversation with Stephen Colbert" (1 December 2006).
"And what is the reaction of the British politcal class? Well the Lib Dems, still think that the Euro is a success! I don't quiet think where Cleggy gets this from, I don't know. Prehaps he is cosidering an alternative career, as a stand up comedian, once he's out of politics."nigel farage: Another segment of a speech held in a UKIP meeting on 21 February 2012. When Nigel Farage explains on the reactions on Labour, Conservative and Lib Dem politicians on the failing Euro currency.
Not that I don't think irreverent humor and someone being filthy is funny, I just do what I do. Any comedian would admit throwing an f-bomb in there would help get a reaction. ... I'm not on a Puritanical pursuit, but when I would curse in a joke, I believe I'm not done writing it.jim gaffigan: Tim Brouk (September 6, 2007) "Jim Gaffigan returns to his old stomping grounds, Purdue", Journal and Courier, pp. 1, 2D.
There is no more terrible fate for a comedian than to be taken seriously.barry humphries: My Life as Me: A Memoir (2002)
Creator A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh .H.L. Mencken, A Mencken Chrestomathy, ch. 30 (1949)
He's basically a romantic comedian. …. He was a government agent entering our bedroom at midnight. We had every right to shoot him. But I've never owned a weapon in my life, and I have no intention of owning a weapon, although I was a master sharpshooter at West Point on both the Garand, the Springfield rifle and the machine-gun. I was a howitzer expert. I know how to operate these lethal gadgets but I have never had and never will have a gun around.timothy leary: Commenting on G. Gordon Liddy's 1994 remarks on shooting intruding ATF agents, and a 1966 raid by Liddy in which Leary had been arrested, in "Timothy Leary Revisited" a 1995 interview, in Paul Krassner's Impolite Interviews (1999) by Paul Krassner, p. 304
I hate being refered to as a comedian. Being a homosexual and a comedian is like being a pig and P.R. of the slaughterhouse: absurd. I'd rather consider myself a satirist. Acording to Thesaurus: a humorist who uses ridicule and irony and sarcasm... but i also puke a lot in the face of frustration; so then again i must be a supermodel.miss shangay lily: Miss Shangay Lily, Feminist Monologues for A Diva
STICK IT UP YOUR JUNTA - On going to war with Argentina FREDDIE STARR ATE MY HAMSTER - Allegations about comedian Freddie StarrHeadline, 13 March 1986 (Memorable Headlines)
When I said I was going to become a comedian, they all laughed. Well, they're not laughing now, are they?bob monkhouse: Second obituary on BBC news website 
It seems that a lot of people, who haven’t known of me as a pianist, think I’ve just started off as a comedian. And so for them the piano was something extra. But, of course, playing the piano was something that came before all of what’s happened now.dudley moore: Interview, Jazz Professional, 1966 
I think The Razor's Edge is a pretty good movie. But at the time, it was just as reviled as any other comedian doing a serious thing now. Like The Majestic [with Jim Carrey], movies where comedians go straight, people don't like them.It angers people, like you're taking something away from them. That's the response I got. I thought, "Well, aren't we all bigger than that?" I wasn't shocked by it, but I thought that the professional critics would be able to say, "OK, we shouldn't rule this out, because the guy normally does other stuff."Unless it's really despicable, then you have to just jump with both feet on the neck.bill murray: Rolling Stone Issue 903 (22 August 2002)
Before we end this rodeo, a few things need to be said. There has been a lot of speculation in the press about what I legally can and can't say about NBC. To set the record straight, tonight I am allowed to say anything I want. And what I want to say is this: between my time at Saturday Night Live, the Late Night show, and my brief run here on The Tonight Show, I have worked with NBC for over twenty years. Yes, we have our differences right now and yes, we're going to go our separate ways. But this company has been my home for most of my adult life. I am enormously proud of the work we have done together, and I want to thank NBC for making it all possible. Walking away from The Tonight Show is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Making this choice has been enormously difficult. This is the best job in the world, I absolutely love doing it, and I have the best staff and crew in the history of the medium. But despite this sense of loss, I really feel this should be a happy moment. Every comedian dreams of hosting The Tonight Show and, for seven months, I got to. I did it my way, with people I love, and I do not regret a second. I've had more good fortune than anyone I know and if our next gig is doing a show in a 7-Eleven parking lot, we'll find a way to make it fun. And finally, I have to say something to our fans. The massive outpouring of support and passion from so many people has been overwhelming. The rallies, the signs, all the goofy, outrageous creativity on the Internet, and the fact that people have traveled long distances and camped out all night in the pouring rain to be in our audience, made a sad situation joyous and inspirational. To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism - it's my least favorite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen. As proof, let’s make an amazing thing happen right now. Here to close out our show, are a few good friends, led by Mr. Will Ferrell…conan o'brien: Final words, January 22, 2010 TV Guide news
[Ernest: Try my sock drawer. I bought some of those comedian stamps.] Perfect for you, Ernie.Who: Phyllis Kelleher
I suspect it is this Camelot view that leads Miss Croce to be rather unfair to Gene Kelly...I should say the difference starts with their bodies. If you compare Kelly to Astaire, accepting Astaire's debonair style as perfection then, of course, Kelly looks bad. But in popular dance forms, in which movement is not rigidly codified, as it is in ballet, perfection is a romantic myth or a figure of speech, nothing more. Kelly isn't a winged dancer; he's a hoofer and more earthbound. But he has warmth and range as an actor...Astaire's grasshopper lightness was his limitation as an actor - confining him to perennial gosh-oh-gee adolescence;; he was always and only a light comedian and could function only in fairytale vehicles.Pauline Kael, responding to Croce in her review of Croce's The Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers Book, writing in The New Yorker, November 25, 1972, as reproduced in Kael, Pauline. Reeling: Film Writings 1972-1975, Marion Boyars, London - New York, pp.58-59. ISBN 0-7145-2582-0
A comedian can only last till he either takes himself serious or his audience takes him serious.will rogers: Syndicated newspaper article rejecting the idea that he run for President of the United States (28 June 1931)
I not only "don't choose to run" but I don't even want to leave a loophole in case I am drafted, so I won't "choose". I will say "won't run" no matter how bad the country will need a comedian by that time.will rogers: Syndicated newspaper article (28 June 1931)
There is no credit to being a comedian, when you have the whole Government working for you. All you have to do is report the facts. I don't even have to exaggerate.will rogers: Variant: People often ask me, 'Will, where do you get your jokes?' I just tell 'em, 'Well, I watch the government and report the facts, that is all I do, and I don't even find it necessary to exaggerate.
As Linda drifted in and out of consciousness, her fellow comedian Mark Steel noticed Joan Collins on the television. “I was on a chat show with Joan Collins,” he told fellow comedian Andy Hamilton. “How old is she?” Hamilton asked. “I think she must be close to 75,” replied Steel. From beneath the pile of bedclothes a little voice piped up: “How much is that in human years?”linda smith: Sunday Times, 11 November 2007
As soon as you realize everything's a joke , being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense .Alan Moore, in Watchmen (1986)
Creator A comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.H. L. Mencken, in A Mencken Chrestomathy, ch. 30 (1949)