The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.
Will Cuppy, How to Become Extinct, 1941.
Borrowing has a bad name, but you would be surprised how it helps in a pinch.Will Cuppy
I borrow to pay my honest debts and not to squander foolishly. What's more, I confine my borrowing to those who can well afford it. I don't go around sponging on widows and orphans unless they have plenty.Will Cuppy
I think you are absolutely right about everything, except I think humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.Will Cuppy
I hear so many things about who I am supposed to be I hardly know what to believe. I am willing to tell all, but what Is it? Doubtless all these myths and legends will be straightened out eventually, but It may take years.Will Cuppy
I am billed as a humorist, but of course I am a tragedian at heart.Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] The head of a Pike, served at supper, is said to have caused the death from terror of Theodoric the Goth, who imagined the fish's features to be those of Symmachus, a man he had just killed. But for this story, we of today would have no idea what Symmachus looked like.Will Cuppy
Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty species, most of them deadly, and Europe has only five or six, none of them much good. We have fifteen kinds of Rattlesnakes alone and nobody else has even one. [Footnote: There is a species in Central and South America, but it probably came from here.]Will Cuppy
Most people erroneously call this snake the Puff Adder, Beach Adder, or Blowing Viper. So, naturally, they kill it.Will Cuppy
If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up , he will roll over to prove that he is dead. [Footnote:] While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] An Ant on a hot stove-lid runs faster than an Ant on a cold one. Who wouldn't?Will Cuppy
The Ancient Egyptians considered it good luck to meet a swarm of Bees on the road. What they considered bad luck I couldn't say.Will Cuppy
[Footnote:] Pliny the Elder perished in 79 A.D. when he refused to flee from the great eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, insisting that everything would be all right. It wasn't.Will Cuppy
It hardly seems possible that the ancient Egyptians were as smart as these experts. Still, they went right ahead and did it, and you can draw your own conclusions.Will Cuppy
Etiquette...means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely essential.Will Cuppy
Other kings let their ministers make their mistakes for them, but Louis insisted on making the important mistakes personally.Will Cuppy
Most people, it seems, think that Robinson Crusoe when he landed on his Island had nothing to keep him from starvation or anything else. As a matter of fact he had twelve raft loads of supplies that he took off the wrecked ship. He had as much food and furniture as if he had had a delicatessen store and Fifth Avenue outside his hut.Will Cuppy
They [the Pilgrims] believed in freedom of thought for themselves and for all other people who believed exactly as they did.Will Cuppy
Other countries may boast of this and that, but nobody can touch the United States for poisonous snakes. We have about twenty species, most of them deadly, and Europe has only five or six, none of them much good. We have fifteen kinds of Rattlesnakes alone and nobody else has even one. [ There is a species in Central and South America, but it probably came from the United States ].Will Cuppy
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