I am the very model of a modern Major-General, I've information vegetable, animal and mineral, I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical.
1879 The Major-General's song, The Pirates of Penzance, act1.
When a felon's not engaged in his employment Or maturing his felonious little plans His capacity for innocent enjoyment Is just as great as any honest man's Ah! When constabulary duty's to be done A policeman's lot is not a happy one.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
When you're lying awake with a dismal headache, and repose is taboo'd by anxiety, I conceive you may use any language you choose to indulge in, without impropriety.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
A wandering minstrel I A thing of shreds and patches Of ballads, songs and snatches And dreamy lullaby!Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
: Bad language or abuse, I never, never use, Whatever the emergency; Though 'Bother it' I may Occasionally say, I never use a big, big D : What, never? : No, never! : What never? : Well, hardly ever! : Hardly ever swears a big, big D Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, For the well-bred Captain of the Pinafore!Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
It is, it is a glorious thing To be a Pirate King.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
Oh, is there not one maiden here Whose homely face and bad complexion Have caused all hopes to disappear Of ever winning man's affection?Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore, And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
Bow, bow, ye lower middle classes! Bow, bow, ye tradesmen, bow ye masses!Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
Expressive glances Shall be our lances And pops of Sillery Our light artillery.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
The idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone, All centuries but this, and every country but his own; And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy, And who'doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try'; And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist I don't think she'd be missedI'm sure she'd not be missed!Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
Three little maids from school are we, Pert as a school-girl well can be Filled to the brim with girlish glee.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
My object all sublime I shall achieve in time To let the punishment fit the crime.Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
In enterprise of martial kind, When there was any fighting, He led his regiment from behind He found it less exciting. But when away his regiment ran, His place was at the fore,O That celebrated, Cultivated Underrated Nobleman, The Duke of Plaza-Toro!Sir W(illiam) S(chwenck) Gilbert
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