Funny Quotes about Family

Laughter is good for us. Whether we are laughing at ourselves, our families, or life in general, laughter can help us cope with life and stay positive. Here are some funny quotes about family that will make you laugh, maybe out loud.

Families are like fudge... mostly sweet with a few nuts. - Unknown
My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called “Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film”. - Penelope Lombard
If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion. - Ashleigh Brilliant
Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space. - Evan Esar
In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry'. - Margaret Laurence
Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts. - Wayne H.
Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist. - Michael Levine
A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. - Ogden Nash

Funny Quotes About Kids

There used to be a television show called, “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. It was hilarious. Hopefully, you will find these next quotes funny as well.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. - Phyllis Diller
Children really brighten up a household. They never turn the lights off. - Ralph Bus
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home. - Bill Cosby
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television. - Erma Bombeck
Insanity is hereditary: You can get it from your children. - Sam Levinson
Having a two-year-old is like having a blender that you don't have the top for. - Jerry Seinfeld
Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble. - Martin Mull
The real menace in dealing with a five year old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five year old. - Jean Kerr
Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla. - Jim Bishop

Miscellaneous Quotes

It has been proven that laughter boosts your immune system, oxygenates the blood, relaxes your muscles, and is similar to aerobic exercise. So let’s have a few laughs. Here are some more funny quotes about family members.

A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. - Unknown
No one likes change but babies in diapers. - Barbara Johnson
The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out his nose. - Garrison Keillor
I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance -waiting for the bathroom. - Bob Hope
Never let an angry sister comb your hair. - Patricia McCann
Parents are not interested in justice; they're interested in peace and quiet. - Bill Cosby.
There are two things that a child will share willingly - communicable diseases and its mother's age. - Benjamin Spock
Mother Nature is wonderful. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers. - Eugene Bertin
Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act now. Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills - while you still know everything. - John Hinde

Funny Quotes about Family